When I was in Berlin this past weekend we visited the East Wall Gallery on a bike tour. We stopped in front of this little patch on the West facing side while our tour guide gave us some information.
Right behind where he was standing I discovered a name that had been written on the wall. It is the name of my mother, Luba. My mom passed away 8 years ago and was born in Germany after World War II.
It really struck me to see her name right there in front of me. Luba isn't a very common name after all. I felt like it was a sign from my mom that she was with me and even though I felt very sad I felt comforted at the same time.
I've been thinking about writing a book about being an adult orphan for a long time. My dad passed away from cancer when I was 18 and my mom lost her battle with bipolar disorder when I was 24. I've also lost my half brother, grandmother and three men that I was in relationships with (one of whom I was married to at one time).
I am at the point in my life where I feel ready to share the experiences that I went through in order to help other people. The one thing that made such a huge difference to me while going through grief was to be able to read the stories of others who had been through it. I remember wishing that there were more books out there while at the same time not wishing what I had gone through on anyone.
I feel like seeing my mom's name was definitely a sign to start writing. I've been thinking about writing about it for at least five years now. I think one of the biggest barrier is just starting to write. I mean I don't know how to write a book, but I guess you've got to start somewhere.
I am not going to be writing through this blog, because it's just not the right place to do it. I am going to be sharing my writing and any reference materials that I use on my Scribd profile if you're interested.