I am home today and just doing things around the house and running errands. Matthew and I are going to Minneapolis for five days next for a wedding. I am looking forward to going back for a visit. I left Minnesota on October 11th with my spouse visa and since that time I went back for nine days for another wedding. I got back from that trip on December 7th, so it really hasn't been that long since I was home.
It's amazing how much and how little has happened all in the space of five months. I am in a sort of bad mood today. A mood where I feel trapped in England and stuck in a life that I am not quite used to. I know I am not literally trapped here, but sometimes that's how I feel. I miss the feeling of familiarity Minneapolis and all just my old way of life. During a day I go through so many feelings about London. At times I love it and then I I wonder what the heck am I doing here.
I have to say that I do like London and living in England. I have come to accept that things are different and I really have come to love living here. I don't want London to be like Minneapolis. I just miss my friends, the familiarity and the feeling of knowing what the heck I am doing.
There are times when I am walking down the street and I am just amazed at how far I've come. Things have definitely not been easy. Trying to find a job has been and still is very hard and a part of me just has a hard time dealing with how long it all seems to be taking. I guess the hard part is that I've got nothing to compare it to and really no one talk about it with over here. I want more than anything to start my career and just get going. Without any feedback it's hard to know if things are normal or I am completely going about things in the wrong way. I know I can be hard on myself at times, but I just want to start my career more than anything in the world.
Every night before I go to sleep I go through in my mind my perfect day and that perfect day involves going to a job that I love and is challenging.
I don't thing I've ever felt change as much as I have living over here. The world is changing, I am changing things are constantly moving forward. My life just feels so different.
I can't wait to see all my friends back in Minneapolis and hear about what everyone has been up to. I am looking forward to getting on the plane and heading home for a bit.