Heart to heart before I start over

"Every worthwhile accomplishment, big or little, has its stages of drudgery and triumph; a beginning, a struggle and a victory." Ghandi

Things have been a bit up and down lately. I thought that I would have one last blog post about my feelings about looking for a job. I've had some good things happen last week and I've decided to "start over" with a new strategy and new goals. 

I am going back to Minneapolis in May and it will be one year since I've graduated from MCAD. I've been out of school for one year and still no job. I have to say that I feel a little bit like a loser returning to Minneapolis without a job. Deep down I don't think of myself as a loser at all, but I really wanted to have had a job by now. 

I have been officially looking for a job since October, that's when I came back with my spouse visa and it's been one hell of journey. From graduate schemes, recruitment agencies, interviews and job fairs it's been a bumpy ride.

 

I was feeling pretty low last week when I didn't even hear back from Pret. That's the sandwich shop in town. I had been applying for a bunch of part time jobs, restaurants and shops, and I haven't heard back from any of them. 

I was a bit shocked that I wasn't hearing back, let alone not getting the jobs. I've worked since I was 16 years old. I was starting to think that there was something wrong with me. It's not like I've been picky either. I applied to work at KFC , determined to work anywhere. I didn't hear back from the colonel either. My self confidence was starting to get shaken. I just couldn't understand why I couldn't get hired. I had even taken off all my college education so I didn't seem to over qualified. 

I started to wonder if I would ever find something? I know deep down that eventually something will come up. I am a smart, educated talented young lady my only fear is that it might take a long time before something happens. 

I wish someone could tell me how long it is going to take. Is it because of the recession? Is it because my CV stands out? Am I coming across as a total idiot during my interviews? All these thoughts run through my mind, especially when I hear people tell me that it shouldn't be hard for me to get a job with my experience. That's a real hard one to deal with! I am like ok then how come I am not getting hired? 

I just feel like there's something that I don't know. Is it really going to be that hard to get my foot in the door? I can't seem to understand why it would be that hard, are there just that many people in London trying to get a job? 

With thoughts like those running through my mind it's easy to see why I've been a bit down on myself. I felt that back in Minneapolis I was a on a good path. I had been networking for three years and getting myself involved in things and I was well on my way to starting my career. For some reason I don't feel like that at all here and I've got to figure it out. 

I am not the kind of person who takes no for answer and I can't accept that I can't find a job here. Like I said, I am willing to do whatever it takes. I've had people help me with my CV, very kind people from the States send me leads and I won't give up! 

I've got some new ideas up my sleeve and will write about those soon. Thanks again for every one's support!

Monday Afternoon

I went to the downtown St. Paul public library yesterday. I love being at the library. For me it’s a great place to get inspired. After being dropped off I decided that I would need a little snack before getting going. I walked over to Mickey’s Diner. I love that place. I didn’t get a chance to take Matthew there the last time he was here. Next time. I had a wonderful grilled cheese with crispy bacon and tomato and a bowl of chilli. I just like being in there sitting at the counter. I love hearing all the thick Minnesotan accents. It was just a cozy place to be. They keep your coffee cup full, what more could you ask for.

I went back to the library and spent most of the day in the business library. I like to go through the trade magazines. I flick through the magazines and make lists of things to look up. Of course my main goal is finding a job, so I was having a look through Brand Week, Creativity, Exhibitions, Ad Age. I love how there is a trade publication for everything under the sun. It was good and I got some ideas. So I have things to look up and I am feeling a bit more optimistic.

I was also having a look through some career books. After this week being home I am going to have let go of my frustration and just get on with it. For me the hardest part is starting over. Having to cold call, setting up informational interviews and endless networking. All things I generally like, well except the cold calling. I just did all those things for four years. It was something that I was really proud of. I started building my network day one while at MCAD. I conducted almost 75 informational interviews. I had seven internships, belonged to professional organizations. I knew people.

I am afraid to contact people in London and ask for informational interviews. I ask myself why I would be afraid. I certainly wasn’t afraid to do it in Minneapolis. I think I perceive things to be so cut throat that people wouldn’t want to give me the time of day. I guess it’s also because I feel like I don’t know the rules. Should I phone someone up directly, or send an email. I just have to remember that I am going to have to face rejection. I am finding myself facing a lot of it lately and getting used to it. I am just going to have to get over it and I know that I will.

I am going to allow myself to kick and fuss for the time being and then once I get back to London I am going to accept that I have to start over and quit moaning about it. It feels like I’ve run a 30 mile race and I have come in first place except that they’re not going to give me my medal. Instead I have to run it again….